What I Learned From Mrs. Lee

Our book club is reading Peony In Love, by Lisa See. This is a selection about a 16th century young Chinese girl of 16 who is to be married soon. The author did extensive research and found out as much as she could about the culture of the time with its changing dynasties and ancestor worship and it makes for an interesting, though fantastical read.

And somehow it reminded me of Mrs. Lee, our ajumma while we were in Korea. The Korean culture has many idiosyncrasies of its own, including ancestor worship and matriarchal leanings, but the differences and contrasts of the value of women between these two Asian cultures is vast. And that's apparent from just my little exposure to them, including the Japanese culture. Korea comes out on top in my Western and Christian point of view.

Ajumma, is the Korean word for "ma'am" and it is used with respect. The Americans living in Seoul and on the Yongsan Army Post used the term to refer to the Korean housekeepers we hired. The male counterpart is ajeussi meaning "sir". Ward and I each hired housekeepers in Korea, each of us for different reasons. Ward lived 2 hours from us at Camp Casey, and he had a small apartment for his billeting, and his ajeussi, Mr. Yun, took care of his uniforms, boots and the small cleaning that needed to be done. Betty, Beaver and I lived in Yongsan and because of the oil heat we had Mrs. Lee. Oil heat leaves a fine, black film on everything. We noticed it right away because of our socks. The tradition in Korea is to take your shoes off at the door, so we adapted right away into the habit, and we could see right away too, from our sooty sock bottoms, that we needed to hire an ajumma, as did nearly every other family living in Yongsan. They weren't expensive and we had to keep up with the Jones'.

Mrs. Lee's rate was about -W-140,000 which was about $80 a month. She came every Monday. Arriving at about 7:30 a.m. and leaving about 5:00 p.m. and taking about a 15 minute lunch break, she was amazing! She was no bigger than a minute, probably about 4' 10" in her stocking feet, and not as big as that around. She was solid though. She worked quietly and I think we were one of the few families who stayed in the home, as we home schooled at the time. So as the weeks went by she began to open up and speak with us a bit.

I was "Mommy" and Betty was "kenday" and Beaver was "ben" and we got along well. Since she worked through the day, I told her to feel free to have lunch with us and anything in the fridge was offered. She said, "No, American food make me sick." She went on to explain a time after the war when she had eaten American food (who knows what it could have been) and became very ill. No, thank you! She would stick with her plain rice with a few sheets of crisp, salted seaweed. And maybe some hot tea. One of the first things I purchased was a rice cooker, and I made sure we had a pot of rice going every Monday.

Several times Mrs. Lee spent more than a few minutes talking to me about her life, the war and how she ended up in Seoul. Her family was split apart right before the war, and she never did see her brothers again. She and her mother managed to stay together. It was right after the war she met her husband. If I remember correctly (and something may have been lost in the translation) a group of young people went out together and on the way back, Mr. Lee took advantage of Mrs. Lee. The next day, when Mrs. Lee's mother found out she dragged Mrs. Lee to Mr. Lee's family home and demanded that he take the correct action. And that was the wonderful story of how Mr. and Mrs. Lee became man and wife. And were still together some 40 years later, with two daughters.

Mrs. Lee was also a devout Catholic. She saw us reading our Bible one day and later she pulled out her own cross, "Mommy, I Catholic, too." I don't know why, but at first this surprised me. Then after being in Korea a while, I came to realize that it is very much a Christian nation, with many of the same (meaning all the different) demoninations that we have.

Mrs. Lee came to work dressed like a housekeeper in a clothes like a simple knit shirt and pants. She worked very hard all day. She scrubbed the floors and scoured the sinks and tubs. She dusted and polished the furniture. She changed all of the sheets, washed them and did whatever laundry there was in our hampers. And she did the ironing. And I know that she did this 5 days a week, because she worked for many of my neighbors as well. But when she got ready to go home, she changed into a nice suit for her ride home on the subway. She displayed a quiet dignity and I never for a minute questioned that she was the matriarch and held a position of honor in her family.

The time came for us to PCS (permanent change of duty station) back to the states. I wanted to say goodbye one last time the day before we left and I knew Mrs. Lee was working for a friend of mine. I walked down the hill and knocked on the door. Mrs. Lee seemed a bit surprised to see me as we had said our goodbyes the last day she had worked for me, but she was also happy. We hugged, and then the tears flowed. Isn't it amazing how someone can come softly into your life and be there for a short time and make such an impact. Whenever I think of Mrs. Lee I will remember that uncommon strength, humility and endurance can come in a small package quietly doing common things.