A Recipe Worth Sharing: Tear Soup

My friend Laura shared with me the title to a book someone gave her on healing after a loss. The title of the book is Tear Soup. Laura, who recently lost her wonderful, exuberant and loving husband to brain cancer said it was a help to her. I picked it up because I am also going through my own grieving process at the loss of this exceptional man who I counted as a friend, knowing full well that what I am experiencing is nothing, not even a tiny scintilla close, in comparison. Still, it has affected me deeply as a personal loss; and the sadness and empathy I feel for Laura is overwhelming.

Here in this little book is a short story for all who walk through that valley. It is illustrated brilliantly, saying things like "Not fair, bad news, big disappointment, serious heartache, profound loss, major loss and more than I can bear," which all go into a pot with "the memories, all the misgivings, all the feelings and all the tears she needed to stew in the pot over time."

In a simple, yet poignant manner this book speaks about how to grieve. In our fast paced culture we have lost the art of grieving. And it is an art. No two people grieve the same. And why should they?

My grief for losing Mark will be a totally different recipe than Laura's, but we can share a bowl from each others pot. And listen. And cry. And laugh. And remember. This sweet little book doesn't tell us anything we don't already know instinctively, but reading through it reminds us that it's Okay to go about it in our own good time and way, using our own individual recipe and ingredients.

On Pulling Up Roots

And having to replant!

We have moved. This move was pretty much like all of our others. The packing up at one end, racing to the new post with both cars stuffed to the max with luggage, the kid, the animals and various and sundry items needed to feed them.

But this time was so different. Moving is usually a hard emotional experience, it is one of the top stressful situations you can have in your life. But we had more than that on top of it. We had the roller coaster ride of additional stresses. The first being that Ward returned home from deployment. We have taken enough life management courses with the Army and we know that there can be a huge adjustment time, but we didn't get that. We had to pack out in one week!

On top of that was the death of a good, good friend that very same week. We had expected it, but maybe not quite so soon. God's timing is always good and to be trusted. We were able to be there for the final goodbye. But now my best friend and I are miles apart during this heavy duty grieving. I can't look out the window, see her and run and give her a hug or just run over to talk. The need to do that seems to create another huge sadness for us both.

So between unpacking and painting walls there is weeping. And a husband who probably doesn't understand though he tries.

This too shall pass.

I no longer try to force God's hand, but I wait patiently. I have learned something through walking with Him all these years. He will give me something to do here. He will help me replant the roots and it will be something that will delight my heart.